fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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