my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
