I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
COCAINE IS GR8
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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