i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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