So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
