Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
