She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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