I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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