not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
