Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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