I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
