If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
