If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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