Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
