How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
