Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
