we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
