Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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