Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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