I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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