at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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