She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
