I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
