I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
