i may or may not be watching the land before time
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
