saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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