....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
