is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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