Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
