O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
