i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
