Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
