but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm like, not good at living.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
