Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sober January is a disaster.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I party with great urgency now.
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