margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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