the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
