i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
