dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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