What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
