my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
