Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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