guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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