i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
