Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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