I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
