you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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