please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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