I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
