i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
