dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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