I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
