So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
