FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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