i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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