When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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