I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You pole danced in your parka.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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