I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
love makes seman taste better
We talked him into tasing himself.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
