Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
