weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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