I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
