When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i out mim tonsoeep
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
